Has it Really Come to This?

I simply couldn’t believe the commercial I had just witnessed was for a real product.  I described it to my husband but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t manage to paint a picture that fully conveyed its weirdness.  After months of keeping my eyes and ears alert every time there was a television on in the house, I had almost convinced myself that it had existed only in my twisted imagination.

But a couple of weeks ago, Taylor finally got the iPad she had long been saving for.  Eight months of assembling community newspapers and delivering them in all manners of inclement weather, combined with birthday and Christmas requests for Future Shop gift cards finally culminated in her becoming the first kid in her class to own the newest iPad.   And it has led her to re-discover YouTube.

Yesterday she came thumping down the stairs to share her latest find….   the commercial I remembered from so many months ago…  it wasn’t just in my head…. it was REAL!

Here it is.

Isn’t it every married person’s nightmare that at some point their spouse starts wearing stuff like this?  I used to think that wearing track pants to the mall was a sure sign that someone had ‘given up’ but the Forever Lazy sets and entirely new standard.

I don’t buy for a minute that anyone would wear the Forever Lazy outside.  This is a product for the self imposed shut-in.

The phone rings: “Hey Joe, a bunch of us are playing darts at the bar next door.  We were just saying we haven’t seen you in a while.  Want to join us?”

“Gosh, I don’t know if I can,” Joe replies, stroking the soft plush of his Forever Lazy.  The thought of wriggling out of his fleece zipper suit and squeezing into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt seems like a lot of work.  He isn’t even sure his jeans still fit.  “I’ve got a few things to do around here.  I’ll maybe catch you next week.”

As I have learned from my Lululemon yoga pants, it’s a slippery slope when you make a habit of wearing stretch fabrics on a daily basis.  But at least Lululemon hints at athleticism of some sort.  The Forever Lazy screams slovenly.

I can’t even think about that butt trap door without giving myself the shivers.

But there’s a market there.  Judging if only from the parody videos I found on YouTube, people are buying them.  I got a particular giggle from this girl’s ‘product review’ video.  She says she doesn’t own a Snuggie because she thinks it’s like wearing your bathrobe backwards, which of course is true, but she did buy a Forever Lazy… four of them, in fact!

News flash — the Forever Lazy sucks.

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